Authority can make people fear you. But to get people to respect you, you have to make them see and observe reasons by themselves. This is why we say you can only “earn” respect.


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If you’re really worthy to be respected, people will give it to you whether they like you or not. This is the amazing thing about respect. It’s an automatic process people give to a certain way of being.


You’ve obviously seen poor or middle-class people who get more respect and dignity than some wealthy people. We’ve all also come across younger people who have made the respect of those older than them.


What makes this difference in the level of respect we give to people? Here are psychological points that make people respect you more.


Respect your time


The way you treat and use your time says a lot about person. Are you the kind who replies to a message in seconds after sitting by your phone for hours waiting for that text?


Those who value their time naturally come off to us as more valuable and important. Here’s why.


For instance, a boy who tells his girlfriend that he won’t be available between 7 am and 4 pm from Monday to Thursday will come off as more high value than one who wants to chat all day long.


As Charles Darwin says “A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life/time.”


Strive to be more conscious about how you spend your time. And don’t be worry to hold people accountable when they don’t take your time seriously.


For example, if someone has a habit of coming to meetings or dates late, respectfully tell them that you don’t like or appreciate how they keep taking so long to show up. Tell them for next time, they should let you know beforehand. And if they can’t make it, you can just rearrange instead of them wasting your precious time.


When you do this, they will understand that your time is precious and they’ll respect you more for it.


Take space


People always look up to you to tell them how they should size you up, you just don’t know it.


According to Vanessa Van Edwards, a human behavior researcher, the first impressions don’t even happen during the first very interactions; they happen the moment people lay their eyes on you, whether they talk to you or not.


Unfortunately, many people are not familiar to this. When they are in a social gathering, they look around suspiciously and take as little space as possible.


And when you give off the feel that you don’t have the right to be somewhere, people see it. They see the uncomfort and insecurity in you. And once they’ve established you as this kind of person, they’ll interpret what you say as nerdy even if it’s cute.


What you want to do is consider an expansive position in social interactions. You don’t need to be a big talker. You only need to make people think you’re confident, mentally energetic not disturbed and you have a right to be there with them at that moment.


If you are doing a presentation, walk around. Your walk, body language and flexibility will not just have an impact on those listening to you; it will also affect you.


Hold your sentences strongly


Most people are not deliberate enough about the kind of impression they want to leave on people when they are interacting. This is why they will stutter and blur out their words when they talk.


Not holding your sentences strong when you’re talking immediately sends a signal that you’re not sure of yourself and you've comfort issues. This is an instant respect killer.


We believe people who appear, knows what they are saying. Even if you’re not talkative or loud, you can learn to hold your words like you mean them when you are talking.


Raise your voice when you are speaking. Look people in the eye make eye contact. And when they try to interrupt you or talk over you, use a hand gesture to tell them to hold until you finish.



Uphold your values


Some people have values that vary depending on who they are with.


For example, they may say they don’t drink, but once they are with friends who drink, they compromise so that they don’t become the oddball in the group.


Some people don’t even need a group or gathering to compromise their values. Once they are alone, they find themselves doing things that they wouldn’t do when they are in public or with friends. This conflict and contradiction of values is what’s otherwise called a lack of integrity.



Learn to have difficult conversations



People who can confront us and call out our bullshit on the spot get our respect. Of course, we may not like them, but they’ll surely get our respect and appreciation. This is why you shouldn’t aim to be liked; aim to be respected. They are two complete different things.


People who look for likes are needy people who will never risk offending anybody by confronting him when he's wring. Respect is different.


Sometimes you may need to risk offending a person to get him to see you in the light of someone worthy of his respect.


Treat your pauses like a pro


One of the rapid and very effective ways to quickly establish yourself as a person of strong character is to handle pauses like a pro.

Let me explain.

Let’s say you step on stage for a presentation, observe and look around the room for a few seconds before saying anything. This will instantly present you as a confident person who has control over the room.



Before you leave…

Make it a strong habit to observe those around you who earn a lot of respect from others, and you’ll see that they have most of these habits figured out.


The logic here is simple: People are always looking up to you to tell them how they should treat you. If you carry yourself like a person worthy of respect, they’ll follow your lead. As famous psychotherapist, Kimberly Key said,


“Sometimes people treat us poorly because we throw ourselves away first.”